Two moments

Jas sighed. Another black car zoomed past his, on the relatively empty motorway. It was already past midnight.

There was a lot going on his mind. He had lost the sense of time. Justifiably, for he was in a race with time itself in his mind.

The solitary moon was slowly hiding behind a dark cloud. He could see the cloud gaining strength.

He accelerated, even though there was no hurry – for he couldn’t yet decide where he is heading to. Rather he wasn’t sure. Where would he go?  Back to her? What would he tell her? Most importantly would she be ever able to accept him- after what he had done?

In a sea of bubbling emotions, he was slowly getting lost. He felt as if something was pulling him down to a deep dark pit. He pressed on the gas again. The speedometer was now touching the ninety miles per hour mark. The other black car was now left much behind his.

It had started to rain. What started as a drizzle, soon took a monstrous turn, joining hands with gushes of strong wind. In no time the road ahead was covered with what seemed like a roaring sea of white, swaying through the head lights. The wipers continued their futile attempt as Jas tried to get away from what would soon be his past. He couldn’t.

From the hazy vision that he had through the storm, he could sense the outline of the dark brown arches, the Bridge was near.

Shoes pressed firm on the accelerator he tried to justify his rage. He couldn’t. Despite the scorn and hatred that he bore in his heart, a drop of tear was oozing its way out, a feeling he couldn’t fathom would ever embrace him, now, after what he had already done. He closed his eyes for a moment. The teardrop had found its way.

A moment.

He had known at that very instant, this was more than just friendship. For he didn’t want to leave her, like ever. Ananya was one of her own kind. Brilliant at everything she did, studies, sports, friendship, love. If she didn’t feel for something with all her heart, she never did it, and whatever she did, she poured herself completely into it. So unlike him, so different, so lovable. He coveted her. He loved her. He pined for her, every moment waiting for that glance, that smile that he would dream be one day only his. Just he could never muster up the courage to tell it to her. May be today is the day, he had thought, last day of their University. And he did.

She had just smiled, and his belief was reinstated in the fact that life, sometimes can be stranger than fiction.

After a whirlwind romance of a year while both of them tried to find their foothold in the corporate world, they had tied the knot. She couldn’t wait for any longer. Only that he still kept trying while she was well settled in a high paying job.

After around two years, the fissures had started to form; a gloom was taking him away from her. His repeated failure in continuing at any job for more than six months soon had started giving a concern, more than him, to her. And he had started reasoning his failures and incompetency on what he once had believed to be his biggest strength. The rows, the squabbles had started and soon what had seemed to her like a fairy-tale wedding few years back was going wrong in every possible way. She had tried her best, put her best efforts,all in vain.

Sometimes things are beyond repair, no matter how much we would like to believe they can be mended.

Scenes from a beautiful past were passing through his mind.

Life, is truly stranger than fiction.

He opened his eyes and gasped. Not to witness the horror that he led himself into, he shut his eyes now, both hands covering his face.

He was soon deaf to the storm outside, insensitive to the sudden jerk and pain and felt as if he was floating through a sea of calm. The storm wreaking havoc inside him had stopped, and then turned violent one last time.

A moment.

A moment when he had lost the sense of love that had brought them together. That moment when all he could see is the burning rage in his heart, which had turned the tiny last hope of their marriage to ashes.

The moment when her every action was misjudged, her every word ignited a volcano in his mind. That very moment when everything about her became caustic, disposable and unwanted.

The moment when the beast hiding under his skin had sprung up its ugly head. That very moment when he left her, forever, longing for him, with surprise and shock in her eyes, in a pool of blood.

He opened his eyes again, just before the fatal crash. I deserve this, he thought that’s what his screams sounded like.

The black car stopped near the arch. The driver was now dialing 999 for the accident he just witnessed ahead of him. Reckless driving, he told to himself still trying to sink in the horrific incident.

I hope I will be able to apologize to her, just once. That was his last thought before the black car submerged in the icy cold waters. Before his eyes closed, Jas knew, he lived and lost everything in his life, in those two moments.

 

© “And Life Unfolds” and Subhendu Mohanty, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Subhendu Mohanty and “And Life Unfolds” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s