A lost love

He wiped the last tear off those bleary eyes.

A light drizzle had started to fall on the sea of grass around him; he could feel the moisture on his bare feet. Soon it would be time. He rested on the wooden bench and in that moment of a sad exasperation, looked up at the skies.

Why life has to be so unfair? Why love has to be so cruel?

The damp air was filled with the smell of the freshly mown grass and a sweet scent of lavender. The purple patch marked the pavement which led from the fountain, a favourite spot for little children , to the far end of the park which overlooked the beautiful river.

He couldn’t stop himself; all he wanted that moment, looking at a shapeless grey sky was to cry his heart out. All that came out instead was a grunt, a wail and a heart wrenching sigh.

This is what happens when you lose the one you love“, he said to himself and tried to cheer his spirits up.

At a distance under the old oak tree where he had seen a pair of squirrels in a playful fight (possibly over a nut) when he came to the park were now rushing up the tree playing hide and seek among the leaves. The lone magpie was hopping back behind a bush and from the corner of his eyes he could see a ladybird scurrying away from the white daisy petals to somewhere down, safe from what could be an afternoon shower. The sky looked gloomy; the surprise change of weather had taken all the animal inhabitants of the park by surprise.

He loved the rain; he loved soaking up in the showers and the smell of the grass. Lynda loved it too.

Terry couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t believe years after Lynda left them; his heart still ached, every waking moment of the day. He just couldn’t move on.

It was a different case for Jim though.

As Terry looked back at the last few weeks events, he was getting surer and closer to the true reason of his restlessness.

Could it be his jealousy? Could it be his insecurity?

Or could it be just the pangs of pure love that he harboured in the deepest corners of his heart for the only man he ever loved – Jim?

It must have been two weeks back – he had a pretty bad sense of time anyways. It doesn’t matter though, what mattered was Jim had someone else in his life now. The man he loved (and who had loved him back with equal vigour) was slowly but surely slipping away. He had no qualms about Jim meeting other women, he knew Jim had already gotten over his past, their past together with a surprising ease that he couldn’t yet fathom. True, he didn’t want Jim, the love of his life to drown in alcohol following Lynda’s departure, but bringing another woman to the bed that had Terry written all over it..preposterous !

I had seen love in his eyes, for Lynda and me in equal measures. How could that now be overcome by a momentary bout of desire?

The anger, the frustration was evident in Terry’s moist eyes. Yes, it was a Saturday when after his customary stroll by the river he was returning home, all alone. Jim had already lost interest in him, he might even be thinking of dumping him off, but Terry knew how to love a man. He knew how to make a man truly happy – probably better than any woman.

So what if taking a stroll with me by the river had stopped exciting him? I would rather remember our days and nights together when we slept and woke up in each other’s arms. I would rather remember the scent of the man I loved all around me as he lovingly used to give me good night kiss. I have lot to be happy for a moment. Terry smiled.

So what if now he despises me? I would rather remember those cosy nights, we three, Lynda, Jim and I spent snuggling in a double-size bed, revelling and savouring the warmth of our bodies. He sighed and let his mind float in thoughts which brought back memories of Lynda.


She was an absolute stunner; I had fallen in love with her almost instantly as we met for the first time at Jim’s place. From then on, it was an affair I could hardly resist – Lynda and Jim fell madly in love. Jim knew through my eyes, he had my approval. Lynda knew about me, we both shared a man we loved with all our hearts. It was quite brave and generous of her. She was different from the other cougars Jim usually hung out with every Saturday. Yes Lynda was special; she had a heart big enough to accommodate both Jim and me.

Oh Lynda I miss you so much!

I remember, Jim had started going to work, I could see Jim and I were much more in peace once Lynda came in his life. Jim was a twisted man I knew, but I had loved this man, no matter how many other women he spent his nights with. I was happy that finally he met someone like Lynda, she truly was special; because she brought about the man in Jim I couldn’t for so many years. If I was Jim’s weakness, Lynda became his strength. Its probably a woman thing I would never understand.

I can’t yet believe he did that ugly blonde I had seen with another man before. Just one look at those heavily made up eyes and fake eyelashes and you know how real the person behind is. How could Jim not see through her?

Can one’s carnal needs become so overpowering as to sway one from one’s chosen path of love and longing? Thank God, not for me. He thought.

Terry didn’t want to think any further. He didn’t want to go through the events of that fateful afternoon but it came rushing in like a tidal wave.

After his walk in solitude by the river that Saturday, he had returned back to his house. Even before he could approach the bedroom with calculated steps, a noise had caught him. He could sniff cheap perfume and lust lingering the hallway, from the entrance to the bedroom. Sadly he approached the half-opened bedroom door from where her cavernous wails filled the air. He had stood there motionless, breathless and speechless – witnessing the ancient play of throbbing desire and lust taking its turns in raucous tides and ebbs as Jim and a woman lost themselves in a maze of golden hair and white skin..during the course of which his eyes met hers.

“Oh My God Jim, would you get rid of that ugly black Dog..shoo shoo..would you shut the door Jim?” Screamed the ugly blonde whose makeup had been washed away and her true colours were revealed.

There was no need. Terry had seen the terror in Jim’s steel blue eyes and knew exactly what it meant..He ran as fast as he could from the man he had loved with all his heart, sobbing and howling all along.

He ran from a world where love had become merely a slave to desire. He ran from a world where losing one’s love meant an opportunity to philander around. He ran from a world where true love was looked down upon with eyes of suspicion.

The incident of that afternoon had left a scar in his mind. He would never be able to become normal again. A thought struck his canine mind. His floppy black ears twitched and his tail froze for a moment. He knew finally what to do.

The rain had started in full flow by now. Terry started running away from the wooden bench towards the river with all his might, his skin drenched in water and tears flowing in his big brown eyes.

My love would never be lost, he howled one last time and started running by the swelling river, back to the place he called home, and back to the man he loved the most.

© “And Life Unfolds” and Subhendu Mohanty, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Subhendu Mohanty and “And Life Unfolds” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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